OTTAWA – Since his appointment as Canada’s Minister of Foreign Affairs last May, the honourable John Baird has been spending an excessive amount of time at home, much to the disappointment of his superiors and family.
“When I made John the Foreign Minister, I expected him to be taking care of business for me overseas,” said Prime Minister Stephen Harper. “Now every time I ask him to go on assignment, he tells me ‘it’s a really bad week,’ saying that he has softball practice or he’s hosting his weekly poker game. I really wish I’d known how serious he was about his extracurriculars before giving him this job.”
“It’s getting bad,” said his mother, Marianne Baird. “He has been sleeping on our couch for most of the past year claiming it is ‘preparing him for life in the field.’ Then he spends his evenings drinking and playing video games with old friends from high school. Whenever I try to encourage him to get out and do some exciting diplomatic work like he did in Myanmar, he screams, ‘I AM WORKING,’ and gets back to playing Call of Duty.”
Baird was quick to dismiss the accusations that he is doing his country a major disservice with his stay-at-home behaviour, and defended his right to live his own life.
“I just haven’t been able to find the time to get out of town, you know? Like last month, Harper asked me to go to Qatar to bolster relations in the Middle East. I totally would have gone but my friend Bill had already organized a big board games night that weekend. I’m all for promoting the principles of democracy on a global scale, but a guy has to live his own life too.”
