Montreal, QC – In a surprising show of good faith, Montreal Canadiens fans removed their long-standing burning effigy of NHL forward Chris Kreider after it was announced that he would be joining the team on a one-year contract.
Kreider, 35, has been persona non grata in the province since 2014, when then-New York Ranger Kreider collided with famed Canadiens goaltender Carey Price in the playoffs, effectively ending his season. It was then that Habs fans first erected an effigy of Kreider to burn forever for the cardinal sin of touching their goalie. Fans have since been on rotating shifts to keep the flames of visceral hatred perpetually burning for the last 12 years.
Although the Price incident has been categorized as definitely not an accident by Habs fans for over a decade, Kreider is now extending the olive branch by moving to a city where two-thirds of the population are willing to chase him down René-Lévesque Boulevard with a baseball bat.
After the breaking contract news on Saturday, Habs fans gathered in front of Centre Bell and quickly replaced the burning monument with a regular effigy of the fifteen-year veteran NHLer before he could show up in town.
The Beaverton found die-hard Habs fan Jean-Michel Lajeunesse on the scene sweeping up remaining ash on the pavement.
“We all felt the right thing to do was replace it with another effigy, normal-style.”
“He’s now one of us, and I will verbally and possibly physically threaten any opposing fan or player that comes after him this season,” said avid r/Habs Reddit user David Choi, “On the other hand, one toe out of line and I’m getting the barbecue lighter out again. You’re on thin fucking ice, Christopher.”
Haneen Karim, a Concordia student and dedicated Habs fan, shared similar sentiments.
Karim was presented with an old Tweet of hers dated to 2016, in which she stated “I could put Chris Kreider in a murder pit to turn his skin into leather like I’m Buffalo Bill and it still wouldn’t be what he deserves.”
“And I stand by that,” Karim clarified. “But the fact of the matter is, he is a Hab now. You live and die by the jersey, effigy or not.”
“We can always set it alight again if he runs down one of our own goalies again. We do very much have that option.”
Kreider was reached by phone this week for comment on the matter, but when asked about the six-foot-three one-to-one replica elephant in the room, Kreider was diplomatic.
“I was even fine with the burning one. It’s just nice to have any effigy, really. You usually have to be a religious martyr or a politician to get one of those. Hockey players can only get that treatment in Canada.”
With the Canadiens’ Public Enemy Number One now acquired by the team itself, Habs fans are reportedly looking to fill the role as soon as possible. Applications are set to open the exact moment of puck drop at Montreal’s opening game this season.
