SILICON VALLEY, CA – Streaming giant Netflix has fired back at a CRTC report recommending they increase their contributions to Canadian media, insisting this would force them to raise prices on Canadian consumers which they recently raised and were already planning to raise again.
“Bing forced to spend more on Canadian content would be absolutely ruinous to us, and for our users whom we already force price increases onto multiple times a year,” explained Netflix CEO Ted Sarandos. “We just a humble streaming content company valued at $450 billion, and being asked to reinvest any of our Canadian profits back into their system would utterly devastate us I assume.”
As part of the Online Streaming Act, the CRTC proposed requiring US streaming services, such as Netflix, Amazon Prime, and Lays Potato Chips+, to contribute 15% of their Canadian revenues to Canadian content. Industry lobbyists insist this could interfere with the streamers’ prior plans to raise subscription fees by 15% every year, in hopes that customers don’t notice.
“We didn’t get into this business to help the Canadian television industry, we got into it to destroy the global television industry,” explained Sarandos, as he cancelled yet another fan favourite series which just finished its second season on a cliffhanger.
Representatives from several streamers have vowed to fight the proposed CRTC increase, just as soon as they figure out which of President Trump’s crypto-exchanges to send the bribe to.
“We already contribute plenty to Canadian content, by filming American shows in Canada to take advantage of your weak dollar and rock bottom tax credits,” explained Disney+ CEO Bob Iger. “Besides, shows like the Scrubs reboot and Malcolm In The Middle reboot are shot in Canada, and what could be more Canadian than a warmed-over version of something that was popular in the United States over a decade ago?”
Prime Minister Mark Carney has directed the CRTC to back down from its proposed contribution increase from streamers, so that Ottawa can better focus on capitulating to US demands on CUSMA.
