Tokyo, Japan – Nintendo is celebrating after being granted a patent on the human emotion of joy, having fun, and general merriment.
“Finally something we exclusively brought to the world is now rightfully ours,” explained Nintendo president Shuntaro Furukawa. “Next, we hope to get necessary patents on some of other ideas like high scores, pressing the a button to jump, and boss battles.”
Furukawa said he got the idea when I was on the train and a baby smiled at him. He tried to explain to the baby’s mother that she owed him money, but she claimed he was crazy, to which he responded it was about time he got it in writing.
Nintendo has received criticism in the past for how harsh their lawsuits and intellectual property lawyers are willing to go to protect their products. Nintendo has responded to this criticism by asking detractors to prove that joy existed before Nintendo was founded in 1889, with scholars coming up short.
“Nintendo is the only thing that is fun,” argues Shigeru Miyamoto, the creator of Mario and Zelda. “I also invented the idea of video games, plumbers, and Italians. Again, there is no evidence of Italy before 1889. I also invented Pizza.”
While Nintendo did have a good relationship with the patent office, tensions now run high as Nintendo has decided they might have come up with the concept of patents themselves, making it unclear how successful future patents will be as Nintendo attempts to sue themselves.
The night original patent came through, Nintendo successfully sent a SWAT team into a local Chuck E. Cheese, where dozens of children were rounded up having fun without paying Nintendo their new ‘annual subscription for fun.’
