TORONTO – Canadian hockey icon Wayne Gretzky endorsed Prime Minister Stephen Harper for re-election at a Conservative Party rally this week, making the Tory leader the latest in a long line of mediocre products to which The Great One has attached his name.
Harper now joins the exclusive ranks of Wayne Gretzky Estates, the preferred alcoholic beverage of correctional facilities where toilet wines are prohibited; the Wayne Gretzky Collection, Sears Canada’s fourth most popular line of men’s discount activewear; and Paulina Gretzky.
Gretzky praised Harper as a true patriot, adding that, “anyone who cares about this country enough to not let people like me have any say in its future is a person I want to see in charge.”
Harper was quick to return the favour, describing Gretzky as “the ideal Canadian.”
“If it were up to me,” the Prime Minister continued, “Every citizen of this country would be a white, male multi-millionaire who never finished high school.”
The event concluded with Canada’s favourite son offering words of praise for his home and native land.
“Canada is the greatest country in the world,” the NHL’s all-time leading scorer told the frenzied crowd, “One that I’m very proud to have not lived in for nearly thirty years.”
