Mountain View, CA—Astronomers at the SETI Institute have confirmed that a radio signal originated from an advanced alien civilization, but was intended for a different planet behind Earth.
“This was a deliberate transmission of intelligent origin, proving once and for all that we are not alone in the universe,” Dr. Simon Cavallero told reporters while eating ice cream straight from the carton. “But in another sense this discovery confirms we are and probably always will be very, very alone.”
The signal originates from Kepler 1229b, an Earth-like planet more than 750 light years away. It was detected by the Institute’s Alien Telescope Array (ATA) last month, to the great surprise of the scientific community. But triangulation has since revealed the transmission was actually directed at another nearby world, LHS 1140. Our solar system lies almost directly between these distant planets.
“Ordinarily we wouldn’t expect radio contact from a world like Kepler 1229b,” Dr Cavallero explained. “It’s a younger world than our own with pretty cloud formations and a moon with active volcanoes, I mean how cool is that? So it was flattering, in the moment, before we realized what was happening.”
Before the signal’s intent was fully understood, the SETI Institute sent an elaborate reply featuring greetings in 76 languages, images of food and architecture from diverse global cultures and a note asking ‘Do you like Earth?’ with check boxes to indicate yes or no.
“We had plans for a probe mission to Kepler 1229b,” NASA Deputy Administrator Natalya Berenz confirmed bitterly. “But now…”
Berenz then trailed off before burying her face in her hands and sighing.
In a related story, a new paper by leading astrophysicist Dr. Toko Ji-yeon theorizes cosmic “dark matter” consists mostly of group chats Earth isn’t invited to.
