WASHINGTON – One million US federal employees will stay at home today and possibly longer after Congress announced government closure in the wake of an ongoing nationwide political blizzard.
Mary Hextall, a mother of two and analyst at the Department of Health and Human Services, woke up early and raced downstairs to hear the exciting news on the radio.
“I heard there was lots of semantics and meaningless dribble coming from Congress, which is a good sign that they may close the government,” an excited Hextall explained while frantically eating her cereal. “Then I heard the news and thought ‘Oh wow! I don’t have to go to work today!’ I’m gonna go outside, maybe go to the mall and look at clothes. And then I can go to Starbucks and read my novel. This is going to be sweet!”
The news was announced by CNN political meteorologists who said the blizzard was caused by a cold hearted, single-mindedness front coming in from the Right and a warm, uncompromising, stubbornness front from the Left. This created heavy precipitation of nonsense and semantics across the country that could last for weeks.
