WASHINGTON D.C. – Following last month’s decision to end security protection for several members of his previous administration, President Donald Trump has surprised supporters and detractors alike after removing security for Eric.
“Removing the security detail from John Bolton was shocking enough,” MSNBC’s Chris Hayes stated, “Especially considering that he faces numerous credible death threats from Iran. But removing the security detail from Eric is an unprecedented move.”
When asked about his decision, President Trump responded, “Eric he’s a great guy, a fabulous guy, he’s got that salt and pepper beard, and those blond eyebrows, what a great guy. How will he do now that he doesn’t have security? We’ll see. It’ll be very interesting. Great guy.”
Numerous commentators have theorized that removing Eric’s security protection is part of a broader strategy whose design will only become clear much later.
“What you have to understand is President Trump is playing three-dimensional chess when he’s taking away Eric’s security detail,” commentator Sean Hannity stated. “His ability to see things far in advance is how he was able to predict low midwest turnout in the 2024 election.”
When interviewed about it, the American public is also split on Trump’s decision to revoke Eric’s security detail.
“On the one hand, it probably takes a lot of money to protect Eric, and some of that could probably be better spent,” said Jim Taylor of Grand Rapids, Michigan. “On the other hand, it doesn’t seem like he’d need a lot of protection, so like, why not throw him a security agent or two?”
“All these criticisms miss the point that everyone should have a security detail, not just the President’s son,” Sarah Jeffers of Newark, New Jersey told reporters. “At least this has started a conversation.”
Other recent controversial moves have included tweeting “COWARDLY LIBS WANT YOU TO LEAVE MY SON ERIC ALONE” and “MY SON ERIC IS AT MAR A LAGO RIGHT NOW,” and “HE JUST GOT INTO THE POOL AND CHLORINE GOT IN HIS EYES AND HE CAN’T SEE ANYTHING,” and “FREE ADMISSION TO MAR A LAGO FOR ANYONE WHO WANTS TO GET CLOSER TO MY SON ERIC.”
Reached for comment, Eric himself was circumspect. “I guess he does increasingly inscrutable things that seem to make no sense but still have devastating consequences for others, and that while we can wonder, we can never really understand why.”
At press time, a new announcement revealed that Tiffany Trump had been appointed as special envoy to North Korea.
