WATERLOO, ON ― With the GST break coming into effect, petty, irate, and aptly-named 46-year-old woman Karen Thorpe recently castigated a teenaged cashier for blaspheming against the Lord by using the inclusive term ‘tax holiday.’
“This is a Christian society. We have made Christmas into an official national day off, and non-Christians have no right to spend it giving tax-free gifts to their children without recognizing Jesus’ birth, or worse, while actively celebrating a religion that I don’t.”
Videos taken by bystanders show that it was at this point that her screed fully descended into straight-up antisemitism. “We all know this tax break is just so the Jewish lizards who secretly control our government could get cheaper Hannukah gifts and Chinese food. As Christians, it is our duty to foil them by taking back our words and our discounts.”
The cashier, 19-year-old Ella Li, a Christian herself, was left in tears. “All I was trying to do was make conversation, and suddenly she’s ranting in my face about how we need to go back to writing ‘tax’ with ‘christ’ instead of replacing it with an ‘x.’ Which now that I think about it doesn’t seem quite right.”
“I have a lot of Muslim friends, so ‘tax holiday’ just seems natural to me. But if I forget myself when I’m talking to customers, then even though ‘tax Christmas’ is included in ‘tax holidays,’ occasionally I end up being screamed at about how the tax break shouldn’t apply to Starbucks with their woke red cups.”
Thorpe was last seen pasting a “Fuck Trudeau” bumper sticker to her car and complaining that the Prime Minister was upstaging Jesus by celebrating his own tax birthday on December 25th, and probably doing so with a tax-free cake, too.
