QUEBEC CITY, QC ― In view of the recent demonstrations by student groups in front of universities, Premier Francois Legault reiterated his commitment to freedom of speech in a press conference today, as long as that speech is in French.
“Even though we may disagree, the important thing is communication, specifically, communication in the only official language of la belle province, which, may I remind everyone, is French. As long as we use words ― complete with appropriate accents and purged of all anglicisms ― instead of violence, we can work things out.”
However, Legault also doubled down on the policy changes in question. “Out-of-province critics will simply never understand the importance of the French language in shaping our unique history and culture, and bringing us together as a province. As for those anglophone students protesting, well, perhaps they’re not truly part of Quebec.
“Which is, of course, the whole reasoning behind the tuition hike.”
Speaking from the front lines of the protests at Concordia, student Libby Waters reported that the strike had in fact been quite peaceful so far. “It’s true that when you make a speech in English, a cop will eventually tell you to switch to French or stop entirely. But if you respond with va te faire foutre, they’ll smile, give a thumbs up, and walk away.”
Legault denied that the new rules were unreasonable, promoting it as a compromise with concessions by both parties. “Quebec will gladly use English when we tell anglos to get out of our province ― anything to make sure that message is clearly understood.”
