TORONTO – Yesterday Taylor Swift announced plans to bring her Eras Tour to Canada with a 6 night run in the country’s only city.
“I’m so excited to bring my show to THE city in Canada,” said Swift in a statement. “I had originally thought Canada had more than one city but my team looked into and we confirmed there only ever has been Toronto.”
“I guess the rest of the country is just like, farms and stuff.”
Swift’s team reportedly considered bringing the tour to other stops north of the 49th parallel, like the Mountainy Ocean one, either of the two Texas ones, or the one named after that famous comedy festival. But ultimately they decided it would be bad for T-Swift’s brand to play locales that weren’t real cities.
“As a lifelong Torontonian I’ve always suspected every other city in Canada was bullshit, and now Taylor has proven me right,” said Parkdale resident Janet Huberdeau. “I mean she’s playing Indianapolis for god sakes. If you can’t beat that out then you don’t deserve to call yourself a city.”
At press time the Government of Canada had officially re-designated Vancouver, Montreal, Calgary, Edmonton and Winnipeg as ‘hamlets’. Halifax is now a Rural Road.
Image: Eva Rinaldi
