By Justin Trudeau
So apparently some of you are mad because me and the fam jam took another free vacation at one of my dad’s buddies’ places. You’re wondering how in the hell I let this stupid scandal happen again. Well I have news for you: I don’t give a shit if the ethics commissioner hits me with another 10 violations, I can’t spend another second on goddamn motherfucking Tripadvisor.
Is travelling to an island owned by a religious official/businessman who could stand to benefit financially from my government’s actions or staying at a compound owned by a donor to the suddenly scandalous Pierre Trudeau foundation a good idea for a Prime Minister hoping to win an upcoming election? Maybe. Maybe not. But it sure beats the shit out of spending one more night in bed next to my wife with our laptops open, reading 8,000 reviews as we try to decide which resort to book for vacation.
It’s like you think you found the perfect spot, you’re ready to book and then Sophie says wait wait, Tom from Jacksonville says the staff was kinda rude and he found a bug in his sheets and it’s like, well fuck me running, back to square one I guess. So, sorry if I jumped at the chance to stay at the Greens’ compound in Jamaica, where I knew things would be nice and I’d only have to do a little bit of influence peddling.
The other party leaders questioning me on this clearly have their staffs book their vacations. Because if they’d ever been up at 3am trying to decide if the photos Heather from Markham posted make the beach look all seaweedy, they wouldn’t be making such a god damn big deal out of this.
Maybe if someone would just guarantee that the Iberostar Punta Cana I was looking at actually did have a tennis pro on site or that the Riu Costa Rica’s water slides were no longer under construction we wouldn’t find ourselves in this mess. Frankly this whole thing is Steve from Edmonton’s fault – I would have booked the Grand Palladium right away if it hadn’t been for his 2 star review.
So let’s compromise. I’ll stop going off to the private vacation compounds of “friends” who may use the opportunity to get something from my government if the government will just pay my fucking travel agent’s costs. Deal?