Windsor, ON – Jacob Framer, a man who should never in a million years be allowed to care for young children, has recently been heard encouraging various friends and family members to procreate.
“Oh man you gotta have kids, it’s the best,” said Framer at a recent party as his daughter Amelia, 2, wandered towards an uncovered pool behind him. “And it’s nowhere near as much work as you think.”
“When I’m playing video games while my children watch god knows what on youtube for 6 hours straight, sometimes I look over and just think ‘life was meaningless before this’ you know?”
Despite having recently left his son Joshua in a grocery cart at Loblaws for approximately 2.5 hours last weekend Framer believes that he is setting an example for everyone on the fence about having kids to follow.
“After 5 they basically raise themselves! And they won’t remember anything that happens to them before that so you’re golden man. Basically it’s just like having a little buddy around to bring you beer,” he added as Amelia dropped her doll into the pool and got on her knees tried to reach over the edge for it.
“Honestly, I don’t know what I would do without my kids,” he added as a faint splash could be heard in the distance.
At press time Amelia was fine and would be staying with her mother for the foreseeable future.