EDMONTON – A scene straight out of an old-fashioned romance is unfolding at the West Edmonton Mall McDonald’s as a modern knight is ordering his date’s meal for her.
“Tell me, do you desire both honey mustard sauce, and sweet ‘n sour?” the gallant hero asked his beloved. “Merely speak the word and I will do everything within my power to make your dream a reality.”
In a throwback to a bygone age of chivalry and good manners, the courtly gentleman then carried his date’s tray to their table, withdrew her chair so she could comfortably seat herself, brushed away a few stray crumbs, and inserted a straw into her Mountain Dew.
“Greg is a lot to handle, especially when he tries to pay for meals by bartering spices, but I’ve had worse dates,” Alison Mason said, as the 21st century Lancelot insisted his lady love accept his Happy Meal toy. “He does ask me to call him ‘Sir Gregory’ and his Nissan Versa his ‘steed,’ but that’s better than the Sport Chek cashier I dated who insisted he was a ‘sigma male.’”
“Careful, my dear!” the man shouted as he leapt up and threw his coat over a ketchup stain moments before his date’s elbow brushed it. “The knave who failed to clean this table will answer to me!”
The outraged champion then satisfied his love’s honour by securing a coupon for a small order of fries from the wicked manager.
As the meal wound down, the debonair figure insisted that his companion rest and enjoy a McFlurry digestif. “Please, my darling, I will dispose of your trash for you,” he said in a honeyed tongue. “A lady should not have to trouble her fingers with soiled serviettes.”
At press time, the dashing paladin was further revitalising old-fashioned values by insisting that his girlfriend’s father promise him a dowry of fine fabrics and a dozen head of cattle before the relationship could proceed further.