TORONTO – Child Services has announced that, going forward, they will deem any parent encouraging their young children to be fans of the Toronto Maple Leafs to be negligent, abusive and borderline cruel.
“Adult Leafs fans are probably too late to save,” said Child Services Director Madeline Marsh. “But that is no reason to allow them to pass their inherited trauma on to the next generation.”
“The suffering has to end.”
Starting immediately parents who buy their kids adorably tiny Leafs jerseys or take them to games before the age of 10 could face a fine or, in extreme cases, be forced to encourage them to root for the Habs.
“We don’t want to go that far. If you don’t want your kid to cheer for a different hockey team that’s fine. Just make them a Raptors fan! Thats nice and simple and they won’t grow up to resent you for anything.”
Child Services considered imposing the same rule on raising your child to be an Ottawa Senators fan, but decided not to after realizing there weren’t enough Senators fans to bother.
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