Sean Bean expected to die in biopic about Sean Bean - The Beaverton
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Sean Bean expected to die in biopic about Sean Bean

LOS ANGELES – A recent press release for the upcoming biographical drama based on the life of actor has implied that it will feature yet another death scene for the actor, best known for such memorable deaths as The Lord of the Rings, Game of Thrones and GoldenEye.

“We’re setting out to tell the full Sean Bean story from beginning to end,” Said director Kenneth Branagh at a recent press release for the film, tentatively titled Sean Bean: In Memoriam. “Sean was actually born in the background of a birthing scene, so we’re hoping to celebrate his life and close the loop on it at the time.”

“It’s absolutely absurd!” Bean said, using his lungs that are just as strong now as they were in his twenties. “They have me dying almost 73 times, and each death is more ridiculous than the last. They have me getting eaten by hamsters, killed by a past version of myself, and I think the whole thing ends with me exploding during my Oscars acceptance speech!”

Bean began his career in 1983, where he quickly gained notice for his quiet dignity, solemn presence, and uncanny ability to look down at his chest in shock at whatever the scene required to impale him. It wasn’t long in his career before directors couldn’t wait to kill him off, such as when the script for Henry VIII was rewritten entirely from an earlier draft where Robert Aske lived.

In other news, fans are still trying to determine whether or not a viral video of Kevin Hart screaming incoherently at somebody is leaked footage from a movie he is working on or if he just left his webcam on.