Woman who forgot to do laundry reluctantly puts on clown suit - The Beaverton
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Woman who forgot to do laundry reluctantly puts on clown suit

TORONTO – Ashley Greenfield woke up this morning to discover that after weeks of putting off doing and hand-washing her underwear in the sink, she was officially out of wearable clothing. Faced with a busy day and no other options, she was forced to pull an old suit out of her closet.

“I have been telling myself to go to the laundromat forever, but I just kept forgetting,” Greenfield admitted, grimly scanning the suit before giving the red nose a test honk to make sure it still worked. “So I guess I’m running errands today as ‘Ol’ Tickles the Funtime Clown.’ I haven’t worn this since my aunt forced me to buy it for my cousin’s baptism.”

“I mean, it’s this or go naked,” she grumbled, pulling on a giant curly rainbow wig. “I figure this way people might not recognize me and I can get through my day with only minimum humiliation. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to paint half my face orange before going to the LCBO.”

Tammy Bolton, a mother of three who was taking her children for a walk, explained that while they were initially excited to see a clown, that thrill was quickly tampered by the smell of mothballs wafting from Greenfield’s general direction.

“I don’t think she’s a professional clown,” Bolton exclaimed after quickly ushering her children away. “We asked her if she could do a fun dance to entertain my kids and she just started half-heartedly twerking.”

“When my son asked her if she had any toys to give out she made a balloon animal from a dirty latex glove she found in the gutter before asking me if I had any spare change for the local laundromat. I don’t remember clowns in my day doing things like that.”

After a day of scaring small children and being chased by several dogs, Greenfield stated that she had learned her lesson.

“I’m doing laundry the second I get home,” she stated emphatically. “Unless I forget again, in which case I’m pretty sure I have a ‘zombie farmer’ costume from high school I can still fit into.”

Greenfield was last seen being kicked out of Loblaws after her two foot long blue shoes knocked over a scented candle display accompanied by a humiliating series of comical squeaks.