TORONTO – Ontario Premier Doug Ford has granted university status to a local rambling proselytizer known for his public outspokenness.
The University of Repent Sinners or Burn in Hell will open next Fall after Ontario’s Postsecondary Education Quality Assessment Board verified that the preacher was a close friend of the Premier.
Dr. Rev. R. R. Saviour III, now the Dean and sole professor of the new street university, will offer Bachelor of Sciences in Damnation Studies and minors in disturbing the peace.
Ford attended the ribbon cutting ceremony at Dundas Square, which was followed by fiery speeches about going to hell for being gay or an unmarried woman.
“Folks, this university will adequately prepare students for the afterlife,” announced Ford from a megaphone in the middle of the scramble crosswalk. “Dr. Saviour is providing a free science education about the world ending and it has nothing to do with climate change. Plus he knows when the world will end, but he keeps changing the date.”
At press time, Ford demanded other universities create safe spaces for homophobes.