OTTAWA – As the Trudeau government celebrated saving the country’s free trade deal with America and Mexico, experts were already warning that the renewed agreement could devastate the burgeoning ‘writing columns about how failing to save NAFTA would destroy Canada’s economy’ industry.
“Sure, the fact that Trudeau and Freeland managed to actually get the poop throwing monkey that currently runs America to agree to a deal without making major concessions is impressive I guess,” said Financial Post columnist Kevin Carmichael. “But think of the innocent people hurt: the dairy farmers, the auto manufacturers, the columnists used to getting paid to regurgitate the same column about how Trudeau is failing Canada over and over again.”
“Will somebody please think of the columnists!” he added.
Economists predict that, after the initial boon of columns dissecting the deal, the effect of the new USMCA will be to create a significant column inches disparity between the haves and have nots. Those with significant columns already, your Margarets Wente and Sue-Annes Levy, will continue to amass more as they pivot to writing about other things, like how Doug Ford is actually good somehow. But those for whom the endless speculation over NAFTA was their entry level position will likely see their opportunities dwindle.
“Frankly I think that, in the rush to make a deal, Trudeau forgot how great the uncertainty over NAFTA was for us,” said Globe & Mail business editor Michael Babad.
There could of course be other economic ramifications. Jobs for Conservatives who go on tv and claim Justin doesn’t know what he is doing or make social media memes calling Freeland a traitor are also expected to take a hit.
However when reached for comment PM Trudeau remained ebullient over his agreement.
“The USMCA guarantees a prosperous, mutually beneficial free trade arrangement between our great countries for the 5-10 years the United States of America will continue to exist.”