TORONTO – The Financial Accountability Office is warning that Kathleen Wynne’s plan to raise minimum wage to 15 dollars an hour will likely lead to thousands upon thousands of conversations with your uncle about how the Liberals are trying to bleed small businesses dry.
“On net, we estimate that if the wage hike goes through your uncle will call you multiple times a week, and corner you at every family gathering to talk about this,” said the report. “Conversations will be concentrated amongst teens and young adults whose politics differ from their elderly family members.”
The FAO went on to warn that, while under the current minimum wage, the vast majority of those subjected to Uncle Conversations are his spouse and friends, under the new system nearly all of his time will be devoted to you, and you alone.
“We are also worried that many of those conversations will include terms like ‘Libtards,’ ‘Frau Wynne’ and ‘that bitch Kathleen’” warned the lead investigator. The intensity of these comments could vary, depending on the last time your uncle saw a Millennial treat themselves to a nice meal.
The liberals appear to be unconcerned by the findings however, insisting that the Ontario economy is strong and could withstand even the most drunken ranting by your Uncle.
On the bright side the FAO also found that the minimum wage hike could result in a marked decrease in your cousins asking to borrow money.
At press time you answered your phone without checking the caller ID again? You idiot!
