By: Aunt Pam
Hello again Tompkins clan! It’s your Aunt Pam writing with my bi-monthly family update e-mail and this time I’m making sure everyone is informed about a strange invitation they might be getting soon. It seems that Cousin Judy’s new husband is actually a Jewish and wants to have everyone over for something he is calling “Passover”.
Yes, it’s a strange word and I was confused at first too. But given that I do yoga at the local JCC, I realized that he was just using a misspelling of the actual Hebrew word for the holiday of “Passavar”. Luckily I sent him a reply correcting his silly mistake so he wouldn’t get too embarrassed.
Anyways, Passavar is a pretty obscure holiday so please read closely. First, because it is so close to Good Friday, most Jewish people don’t even bother celebrating Easter afterwards. I know that seems bizarre but we have to remember that every religion celebrates Easter a little differently so we shouldn’t judge. When you get to Judy’s house, politely show interest in the unique ways these people honour the resurrection of our Lord.
Second, a little known fact is that traditional Passavar dinners (or “Sliders”) consist almost exclusively of special crackers. And before you get up in arms about the fact that there won’t be potatoes or chicken or things like that being served (I’m looking at you Uncle Ralph), you’ll just have to accept that Jewish cuisine just doesn’t use those ingredients in their cooking. In fact, to fit in better I am asking each of you to buy a box of crackers (Saltines, Triscuits, whatever) and bring them with you to contribute to the dinner. I will bake a nice loaf of rye bread since that’s basically the same as crackers and rye is the most Jewish of the breads.
Third, I’ve been told that before we eat everyone Judy’s husband will tell a story about Jewish suffering in Egypt. I can’t imagine this lasting longer than 10-15 minutes but everyone should come prepared with their own story about the ways you have had it rough to tell when it’s your turn. That way you can show how we have so much in common with the kind of things the Jews have been through.
Finally, I am going to break the ice right away when we get there and let him know that I’ve visited his homeland of Palestine. I’m a little confused why no one has been able to solve an obviously simple problem as the what’s happening in the Middle East and I’ve got some real neat ideas for a solution! I’m excited to prove that a little good hard thinking can solve even the toughest quibbles. He’ll appreciate that and since I’m the most socially aware in the family it’s best if I act as the spokesperson for the rest of you.