Jesus Archives - The Beaverton

Tag: Jesus

Passion play using distractingly hot Christ

OTTAWA – The passion play produced by Ottawa’s St. Francis Xavier Church has drawn attention and controversy this year by crucifying a total stud, according to aroused sources. “Dang, I see our L…


BREAKING: Jesus seeks new brand management

GOLGOTHA – After a tumultuous, decades-long relationship with Evangelical Christians, Jesus H. Christ finally announced He is seeking bids for new brand management. The announcement arrived…


Father giving up on son for Lent

VANCOUVER – Local father James Hanover made a surprise statement on the car ride home from Ash Wednesday church service, announcing that for Lent this year he would be giving up on his elde…