OTTAWA – The passion play produced by Ottawa’s St. Francis Xavier Church has drawn attention and controversy this year by crucifying a total stud, according to aroused sources. “Dang, I see our L…
Tag: Jesus
James Reimer can’t wear Pride jersey due to Christianity even though Bible also bans working on sabbath, coughing up 3 goal lead to Bruins in Game 7
SAN JOSE – Sharks backup goaltender and .895 save percentage holder James Reimer said that he wouldn’t wear a Pride jersey for 10 minutes during warm ups on account of the Bible’…
BREAKING: Jesus seeks new brand management
GOLGOTHA – After a tumultuous, decades-long relationship with Evangelical Christians, Jesus H. Christ finally announced He is seeking bids for new brand management. The announcement arrived…
Kardashian under fire after using Shroud of Turin as makeup sponge
BEVERLY HILLS, CA – The world’s most famous influencer, law student, and vessel through which Kris Jenner’s business aptitude flows has run into yet another controversy. Earlier this week, …
Father giving up on son for Lent
VANCOUVER – Local father James Hanover made a surprise statement on the car ride home from Ash Wednesday church service, announcing that for Lent this year he would be giving up on his elde…
“James Bond can’t be black,” says man who believes Jesus was white
BROSSARD, QC – Amidst ongoing speculation over who will be cast as the titular character in the next James Bond film, one local man has offered his take on the issue by suggesting that Mr. …
Ultimate April Fools’ prank? Disciples find Christ dead in the tomb
ANCIENT JERUSALEM – The 11 remaining disciples of Jesus Christ were met with a merry prank this April Fools’ morning, after rushing to his tomb to find his body still there and very dead. “…
Mountain Dew courts evangelical consumers with ‘What Dew would Jesus Do’ campaign
NEW YORK – In what is already being hailed as a novel and innovative attempt to reach out to America’s crucial Evangelical consumer base, PepsiCo subsidiary Mountain Dew has announced a new promo…
Trump’s 100th day gala celebrated “longest ever” presidential term
WASHINGTON D.C. – Donald Trump skipped the White House correspondents’ dinner this weekend, opting instead to hold a rally celebrating his 100th day in office – the “longest ever term…
Christ sees shadow, predicts 6 more weeks of Easter
JERUSALEM – After spending three days sheltered in his underground tomb, Jesus Christ, Our Lord in Heaven, saw His shadow, which means six more weeks of Easter. “Here he comes, here he come…