Overview:
First Past The Post, often abbreviated as FPP, 1PTP, FPTP, or KILLME, is the electoral system Canada currently uses. FPTP is the 2005 Honda Civic of electoral systems. Nobody really wants it, but hey, it’s what we’ve got, so we might as well use it to pick up groceries, even though it makes that weird rattling sound and sometimes gives you a majority government with 35% of the popular vote. But has the time come for Canada to buy a car that doesn’t smell weird inside, like the PT Cruiser that is Proportional Representation, or the 2010 Honda Civic that is Alternative Vote?
How Does It Work?
In every riding, voters cast their ballots for the candidate they hate the least. In Alberta, this means the Conservatives, in the Maritimes, the Liberals, in Quebec, Wild Card, and in Ontario, it means whoever the fuck the 905 area-code says it means. This least hated, but still violently hated party then wins absolute power, and fucks things up for about 10 years. By then, there will be a new least-hated party, and the cycle can begin afresh.
Pros:
– Elects centrist parties.
– We already have a vague sense how it works, from Grade 10 civics, I think?
– Sometimes you trip over your words and end up saying ‘First, Pass The Toast’ which is usually pretty good for a giggle.
– Everything else is complicated, and I could learn about them, but I really want to get back to watching Westworld, have you seen it, it’s so good, I really think James Marsden is starting to come into his own as an actor.
– You don’t need a coalition to govern, which means a ruling party will never be in a position where they have to feed babies to wolves in order to keep the Wolf Party of Canada in their coalition.
Cons:
-Elects centrist parties.
-God, is it the fucking Liberals again?
-Well of course they’re not living up to their promises, we didn’t elect them to do that, we just elected them to be slightly less shitty than the Conservatives.
-Fuck it, next time, I swear I’m voting NDP, no, for real this time. What do you mean that’s effectively the same as voting Conservative? Okay, fine, Jesus, I’ll vote tactically.
-Have to wait for change to come in due course, like a fuckin’ sucker.
What Countries Use This System?
Canada
The UK
India
The US, I guess? Does the Electoral College count? And whose fucking idea was that, anyway?
Who wants this system?
– Politicians who appeal to neither more nor less than 35% of the electorate, such as:
– The post-2015 Liberal Party
– The pre-2015 Conservative Party
and
– The post-20,015 New, New, New, New, Democratic Party (led by Thomas Mulcair’s adrenal gland suspended in a jar)
– Parties with a regional support base, such as,
– The Bloc Quebecois
and
– The Newfoundland equivalent of Hamas
Who hates this system?
– Fringe parties who want be the so-called “kingmakers” in coalition governments, such as:
– The Green Party Party
– The Christian Heritage Party
– The Anti-Semitic Party For Organic Produce
and
– The Wolf Party of Canada
How likely are we to get it?
Oh, like, it’s pretty likely we’re not replacing FPTP.
