Oxford, UK — Oxford University Press, the publisher of the Oxford English Dictionaries, has announced it will be replacing all words with ideograms and smileys to make the massive, descriptive dictionary more accessible to the illiterate.
“Our dictionaries were just not selling, especially among our more ignorant consumers,” explained Sir Henry Harrow Demere III of Oxford University Press. “We needed our extensive glossary to appeal to a broader audience who don’t know the meaning, spelling or diction of even the most primitive words. Educating these sods have proved fruitless and tiring. Therefore, we’re giving up on the word business and charting into new territory with emojis.”
Such classic words such as ‘prodigious’ and ‘undulate’ will be replaced by the ‘raised hands’ emoji, while ‘vulgar’ and ‘lurid’ will be changed to the ‘smiling-pile-of-poo’ emoticon.
