MONTREAL – The coffee machine at Boundless Publishing where, for the better part of six years, everyone stood around discussing Breaking Bad, is prepared for a solitary post-Walter White existence.
“I don’t even drink coffee,” said Linda Shapiro as she unplugged the appliance, “I just went through the motions to give myself a pretext for discussing Breaking Bad. Now I don’t even need to bother decalcifying the stupid machine.”
“I was always behind on what was happening with Walt and Jesse and Tuco — oh, wait, are you saying Tuco died?” stated Jeff Walling, Boundless’s marketing director. “The coffee machine was our designated spoiler zone, it prevented a repeat of the fight we had when Linda spoiled the end of Friends for everyone.”
Boundless Publishing CEO Jessica Lynch is very concerned by the coffee machine’s downfall. “What are my employees going to bond over now, Sons of Anarchy?” she asked.
“The abandonment of the coffee machine could be the worst thing to happen to office camaraderie since we found out smoking gives you cancer.”