GRAVENHURST, ON ― Local middle manager and willful snob Kenneth Thomas had a fantastic time last night, when a party he attended gave him a chance to casually reveal to a host of new people that …
Tag: Star Wars
New Star Wars series to explore backstory of the Mos Eisley cantina band
LOS ANGELES — An iconic part of Star Wars lore is finally getting its day in the sweltering sun. The Mos Eisley cantina band, comprising seven Bith who love jizz, is getting its own Disney+ serie…
Man who “can’t relate” to Turning Red loves Star Wars
TORONTO – Local man Terrance Matthews has reported to his friends that he couldn’t relate to Turning Red’s main character while still deeply relating to Luke Skywalker from Star Wars. “The…
Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade ends in horror when robe of Baby Yoda balloon falls open, revealing massive genitalia
NEW YORK CITY – Cheers turned to screams today at Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade when a robe malfunction resulted in the Baby Yoda balloon exposing his no-longer-private parts to thousands …
Ah, shit, wedding invite has lightsabers on it
EDMONTON – People invited to the Katie Carmichael-Chris Everett wedding were horrified to discover that the invitations featured lightsabers and X-Wings. “Jesus Christ, it says ‘Come celebrate a …
“At least the prequels were bad” argues confused Star Wars fan not knowing what he wants anymore
RED DEER, MB – Local Star Wars fan Geoff Stirling, 37, has written a recent article online arguing that he himself doesn’t know what he’d like to argue about Star Wars. “It’s just nice to f…
Star Wars fans excited about new series starring Gleep Glorp, or whoever the fuck
BURBANK, CA – Yesterday, the Walt Disney Company announced 10 new Star Wars TV series starring beloved characters like Dorfus Kent, Ultra Moff Charlie, and Fudge Offal, or some nonsense like that…
Disney World Darth Vader actually having trouble breathing
ORLANDO, FL – Numerous Disney World customers were annoyed after one of the actors playing Darth Vader actually had trouble breathing due to contracting corona-virus from park patrons. “It …
Star Wars super fan’s least favourite franchise probably Star Wars
PARENT’S BASEMENT, AB – Local Star Wars fanatic Jake Martin has come to the conclusion that Star Wars is the best franchise he has ever hated with all his heart. “By far the greatest …
Office Star Wars Guy upset about his space bullshit again
CALGARY – A new report from HR suggests that Brian from accounting, whose only prevailing personality trait is a lifelong obsession with Star Wars, is once again pissed about his space bull…