PARENT’S BASEMENT, AB – Local Star Wars fanatic Jake Martin has come to the conclusion that Star Wars is the best franchise he has ever hated with all his heart.
“By far the greatest series of all time to suck balls is Star Wars,” commented Jake Martin on a youtube trailer for The Rise of Skywalker after seeing the film in theatres. “Seeing the end of another saga brought genuine tears of joy while making me hate myself. The blame rests on all the amazing, shitty actors who were a part of it. Definitely a forgettable film that I will never stop talking about for the rest of my life.”
Martin could only name one of the seventeen entries in Star Wars media that he actually liked, but made it clear that he didn’t like the special editions that tried to fix the visual effects or the original that had bad visual effects.
“Worst of all though has got to be the prequels. I went to the theatres at least thirty times so I could catalogue exactly what I hated about each of them.”
Many fans report feeling the same way as Jake toward the franchise, stating they would never stop throwing money in the direction of the series which had “ruined their lives.” One fan of the series entered a toy store and began screaming about how shitty the new lead character Rey is while picking up a Rey Skywalker action figure, browsing for any other accessories the toy might use, and purchasing it.
“Trust me, no one hates Ewoks more than me” said Ernst Fillinger, another proclaimed Star Wars fan. “But the gall to remove the Ewok’s song from the original film for the DVD release is blasphemy! You can’t have Star Wars without the Ewok’s song, it’s the single most well-known part of the original trilogy!”
Many angry fans have reported subscribing to Disney+ just for the chance to stream Star Wars films all day. Disney reports that despite the incredibly negative reviews, the biggest feedback they receive from the streaming service is “more Star Wars for the love of god more Star Wars.”
“I am so excited for the second season of the Mandalorian to see if they fixed all the things I tweeted about hating in the first season!”
