BURLINGTON, ON – Penny Collier, 31, recently claimed to some international friends that “springtime in Canada is so beautiful”, clearly not remembering the endless months follow…
Tag: spring
Man greets spring by swallowing mouthful of gnats
TORONTO, ON – After a long winter, local man Jonathan Pearce was looking forward to welcoming the spring weather yesterday with a celebratory bike ride on the Waterfront Trail. His exciteme…
Deadbeat sun thinks it can just come back after all this time
VANCOUVER — Across the city Spring has begun unfolding in all the predictable ways; flowers blooming, jackets shrinking, and The Sun, that deadbeat asshole, sneaking back into our lives expecting…
Spring tip: salt your garden to prevent from freezing!
It’s never too early to put on a stylish straw hat and get your hands dirty with some backyard gardening! But how can you protect your plants from the cold icy grip of frost? Salt! That’s right, …
Woman dressed like it’s -5°c and man dressed like it’s +40°c meet for lunch
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Nation’s mothers just checking in to make sure you’ve brought a light jacket with you today
OTTAWA – As the weather fluctuates from warm to cold, the nation’s mothers are checking in with their adult children to make sure they’ve remembered to bring something along with them, “in …
Local patio can’t wait for start of drunk asshole season
TORONTO – As the days get longer and the weather gets warmer, the patio at local restaurant Bennie’s is ramping up to Drunk Asshole season when it’ll finally be covered by boozy morons bein…
Hungover robin wishes humans would shut the fuck up
Trenton, ON – After coming home late following a drunken evening with friends, a hungover Robin wished the humans talking loudly below his tree branch would shut the fuck up. “I met t…
“I love people watching” reports local creep
KANMORE — Noted creep Jake Gubis has expressed his excitement for the leering – or ‘people watching’ – opportunities that warmer weather will bring. ”It all started when I went …
Pile of filthy snow in mall parking lot somehow still there
MONTREAL – Local eyewitnesses have recently confirmed that despite temperatures well above 10 degrees Celsius, that giant pile of disgusting snow in the mall parking lot has somehow survived. “I’…