TORONTO – As shopping malls and grocery stores switch to Christmas music and eager neighbours begin putting up decorations, local accountant Thomas Muncy has told reporters that he’s ejaculating …
Tag: sex
With pickleball surging in popularity, we tested which paddles are also good for spanking
TORONTO – Pickleball is one of Canada’s fastest growing sports, with its estimated 1.37 million players representing a massive increase over the eight people who played when the sport was last su…
Top athletes in training to bang the best at Paris Olympics
TORONTO – Canadian athletes are deep in the grind as they practice day and night for the chance to bone the hottest people at the Summer Olympics. “Covid put a cramp in everyone’s ability a…
Olympic anti-sex beds to be donated to college dorms
PARIS – After much deliberation leading up to this year’s event, the International Olympics Committee has decided what to do with the Olympic Village’s infamous anti-sex beds – they will donate t…
Threesome rescheduled again
EDMONTON – Following yet another scheduling conflict, local couple Gregory and Alexia Carter have once again had to postpone their threesome with mutual friend Taylor Long. “We’ve been trying to …
Most popular sex position in each Province
Canadians love fucking just as much as the next guy. Maybe more since it helps keep us warm in the winter. But turns out we like fucking in different ways depending on where we live. Here are the…
Most popular Porn searches by Province
Turns out Canadians have some extremely specific tastes. Read this list to find out what people in every province are getting down to. Newfoundland: “Cum From 5 feet Away” Nova Scotia…
Blushing God approaches Sue Johanson with sex question no one else has been able to answer
HEAVEN – Hesitant and embarrassed, God, the almighty Lord, creator of Earth and the heavens, approached recently deceased sex educator Sue Johanson with a question. “Hey, I’m, a…
PPC struggle to adapt to Poilievre’s popularity with their base: men who keep a list of every woman that’s rejected them
OTTAWA – The People’s Party Of Canada are struggling to adapt to Pierre Poilievre’s ascension to Conservative Party leader given his popularity with the men who make up the part…
Report: Boyfriend wants to try something called “platypus style”
CALGARY – Local sources state that Martin Walsh is hoping to add some excitement to his relationship by convincing his girlfriend to do it platypus style. “We’ve been in a bit of a rut lately,” W…