PETERBOROUGH, ON – Due to a growing increase in sexual expression and a more prevalent hookup culture, the long-standing system of “bases” used to define the progression of sexual acts have…
Tag: relationships
Toronto Sun hires eugenics expert to write new dating column
TORONTO – As part of their agenda to fight against the erosion of traditional Canadian values, The Toronto Sun announced today that they will be hiring a world-renowned eugenicist to write …
Inspiring! This incel dealt with being single by making himself toxically unfuckable
We’ve all been there. You don’t have a main squeeze of your own, and it seems like everywhere you look are happy romantic couples who are going out of their way to make sure YOU don’t forget it. …
Thirty-year-old man horny for twenty-year-old’s old soul
MONTREAL – Describing the twenty minutes he spent leering at her across Grumpy’s Bar as an overwhelming intellectual connection, Philip Marshall, 30, announced Friday that he was extremely …
Woman assembles crack team of six to determine if ex-boyfriend seeing someone new
STEINBACH, MB – 26-year-old Jacqueline Westan spent the majority of this past weekend alongside a specialized, crack team of six of her best friends in an attempt to identify whether or not…
Local man finds romantic success by texting unsolicited dog pics
KINGSTON, ON – Reports from yesterday evening have found that 26-year-old Tommy Freen has come across unprecedented courting success by switching out pictures of his penis that no one asked…
STUDY: Shitty boyfriend will for sure change this time
DARTMOUTH, N.S. – Putting to rest any doubt in the minds of ex-girlfriends everywhere, a new study has found that – despite noticing an established pattern of selfish, inexcusable beh…
Couple spends weekend binge watching their relationship die
REGINA – Local couple Cameron Lacks and Joel Divago are excited to unwind after a long work week by spending the weekend binge watching their relationship die. “My last relationship I would…
Single woman spends afternoon daydreaming about her ideal future sandwich
Victoria, BC – In the hours preceding dinnertime today, single career-woman, Kathy Maxwell, let down her hair and got lost in a daydream about her ideal future sandwich. “Don’t get me wrong…
Graduating couple’s long distance relationship for sure going to last
EDMONTON – Philip Diiks and Jenn Roe, recent graduates preparing to move on and start their life, are confident that their relationship will only be strengthened by living 2000 km from each…
