MANHATTAN — Oral hygiene giant Colgate-Palmolive has announced a new line of sensitivity-increasing toothpastes designed to cater to the needs of fucked-up little pain goblins everywhere. Colgate…
Tag: pain
Man who just took bite out of scalding hot pizza going to ride this thing out until the bitter end
FREDERICTON – Recent reports have now confirmed that Tony Freedman, a local man who took an initial bite of incredibly hot pizza moments ago, plans to just keep that bite in his mouth until it’s …
“Birkenstocks are super comfy” reports woman with bloody, cut-up feet
Peterborough, ON – Local woman Jane Waite has been telling friends how comfortable her new Birkenstock sandals are, despite the numerous cuts, blisters and open wounds visible. “I cou…
Hastily drawn Tim Hortons Smile Cookie pleads for death at hand of cruel creator
COBURG, ON – With the end of Tim Hortons Smile Cookie Week approaching, one cookie in particular cried out for the sweet release of death after being drawn quickly by an employee during the…
Facebook introduces painful memory notifications
SAN FRANCISCO- Facebook has announced that they are releasing a new feature that will give users “Painful Memory Notifications”, which the minds at Facebook say they have relentlessly gone throug…