OTTAWA – Under pressure to remove controversial Senator Lynn Beyak from the Conservative Caucus, leader of the opposition Andrew Scheer has promised to do so the second Beyak says something…
Tag: Omar Khadr
“I didn’t touch the brownies you left on the counter, Mommy,” claims chocolate-covered Andrew Scheer
REGINA, SK – Despite chocolate smeared all over his face and hands, federal Conservative Party Leader Andrew Scheer insists he has no idea what happened to the freshly baked brownies his mo…
Tories offer Omar Khadr additional $10.5 million to stay in news until next election
OTTAWA – The Conservative Party has vowed to match Omar Khadr’s $10.5 million payout if he agrees to do “everything in his power” to remain in the news until the next federal election in 2019. “W…
Local man has soul removed to make room for more opinions
Timmins, ON – After years on a wait list, local man Paul Sutton is safely recovering from the surgical removal of his soul, which has allowed him to hold over 70 more opinions. “There’s sti…
Conservative Party charters large bus for their Omar Khadr Outrage US Tour 2017
OMAHA, NE – A group of Conservative MPs have rented a charter bus to deliver their rhetorical performances to TV stations, newspapers, town halls, and anyone else willing to listen as part …
Staunch protectionist Donald Trump demands NAFTA agreement with less regulations, more free trade
Every week Beaverton editor-in-chief Luke Gordon Field assembles some of the country’s best comedians and writers to talk, mock and riff their way through the news of the week. Then he puts…
Khadr apology, payout is an insult to all the Canadian vets who fought for our right to torture imprisoned children
By: Andrew Scheer, Leader of the Official Opposition Today, I was outraged to hear that the Trudeau government has agreed to pay $10.5 million and issue an apology to admitted terrorist Omar Khad…
Guantanamo Bay touts success story of child soldier turned multi-millionaire
GUANTANAMO BAY – The US Defense Department is praising its own prison system after a former child soldier imprisoned at Guantanamo Bay became a multi-millionaire yesterday when the Supreme …
Khadr’s bail to be set at sorry-we-stole-your-childhood-if-you-join-ISIS-everyone-will-understand
EDMONTON — After thirteen years of detention, Omar Khadr was released on bail on Tuesday after all parties agreed to allow him to become a member of ISIS should he feel so inclined. “Frankly afte…