TORONTO – When Dion Phaneuf put pen to paper and signed his new contract extension with the Toronto Maple Leafs his face almost assumed the position of a smile, sources reported today. Dave…
Tag: NHL
Shawn Thornton suspended for punching guy in face differently than he was supposed to
BOSTON – Boston Bruins enforcer Shawn Thornton was suspended for 15 games after a brutal attack in which he repeatedly struck Penguins defenceman Brooks Orpik in the face with his fist in a…
TSN anchors suddenly really excited for upcoming curling season
TORONTO – Following the NHL’s surprising announcement that Rogers Communications, and its Sportsnet tv stations, would have exclusive rights to nationally broadcast hockey games for the nex…
NHL bans concussions
TORONTO – In response to the number of severe head injuries professional hockey players have suffered in recent years, the National Hockey League has banned all players from getting concuss…
NHL considers re-naming Ottawa Senators to something less dysfunctional and sad
OTTAWA – NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman and Ottawa Senators owner Eugene Melnyk have announced their desire to find a less depressing and tedious namesake for the Ottawa based hockey team. “We exp…
Parros’ mustache fails to break his fall
MONTREAL — Habs enforcer George Parros was released from hospital yesterday after his mustache failed to break his fall during a third period brawl with the Leafs’ Colton Orr. “I spen…
NHL14 video game has Toronto Maple Leaf ‘collapse’ cheat code
TORONTO – The famous Toronto Maple Leaf collapse during last year’s playoffs has now been immortalized with a cheat code in EA Sport’s NHL 14. “I was frustrated,” said Frank Gannon, 3…
Loblaw purchases Shoppers Drug Mart, forgets to use Optimum card
TORONTO – Loblaw Cos. proudly announced today the $12.4 billion acquisition of Shoppers Drug Mart Corp. in a move that has merged two of Canada’s biggest retailers but failed to provide any…
Phaneuf advances to next round of relationship despite poor last-minute play
SUMMERFIELD, PE – With his wedding to actress Elisha Cuthbert, Leafs captain Dion Phaneuf has officially advanced to the next round of his relationship despite a poor last-minute performanc…
Chicago Blackhawks dedicate Stanley Cup win to the spirits of their Native American ancestors
CHICAGO – Returning home for a Stanley Cup parade after a shocking Game 6 victory over the Boston Bruins, Chicago Blackhawks players were quick to credit the warrior spirit and enduring tra…
