OTTAWA – Constable Ian Sturgess of the Ottawa Police Department confirmed today that hockey star Claude Giroux does indeed have the softest hands in the NHL, after the Philadelphia Flyers center …
Tag: NHL
Leafs accidentally sign infielder Michael Diaz during free agent frenzy
TORONTO – Following a flurry of free agent signings, the Toronto Maple Leafs experienced another setback after the team mistakenly signed a deal with infielder Michael Diaz for the next sev…
Rest of nation trying not to be too happy about Habs loss
CANADA – Canadians outside of Quebec carefully hid their excitement today following yesterday’s elimination of the Montreal Canadiens from the NHL playoffs. “Of course it’s very unfortunate…
Habs fan already blaming Price’s injury, refs, coach, Ginette Reno, weather for Habs playoff elimination
MONTREAL – With the Montreal Canadiens facing elimination from the Stanley Cup playoffs, one diehard fan is faulting goaltender Carey Price’s injury, poor refereeing, head coach Michel Ther…
Montrealers promise they’ll riot only if Canadiens win, lose
MONTREAL – In a brief statement read by mayor Denis Coderre, the citizens of Montreal promised that they would only riot in the event of a win, or of a loss by the Montreal Canadiens agains…
Boston Bruins fans thank Donald Sterling for breaking the racist barrier
Inspired by Donald Sterling’s recent racist remarks, the hordes of disappointed and racist Boston Bruins fans took to twitter to voice their displeasure about the race of Montreal Canadiens overt…
Montreal police ready for Habs victory by pouring gasoline on cars
MONTREAL – In anticipation of a Canadiens victory against the Tampa Bay Lightning tonight, Montreal Police are preparing for an onslaught of overzealous and violent fans by dumping gasoline…
Leafs: ‘We’re only collapsing now to avoid heartbreaking collapse in playoffs.’
TORONTO – In the midst of a 5 game losing streak that has seen them fall from 4th place in the East to nearly out of the playoff picture, the Toronto Maple Leafs have reassured fans that th…
John Tortorella suspended after behaving like John Tortorella
VANCOUVER – After last Saturday’s melee-filled game against Calgary, Vancouver Canucks coach John Tortorella has been given a fifteen day suspension for “behaving in a manner th…
Canadian Junior Hockey team celebrates not winning shameful, shameful bronze
MALMO, SWEDEN – Canada’s Junior Hockey team celebrated long into the night after their stunning victory over having to endure the humiliation of appearing in a third place medal ceremony. P…
