SUNRISE, FL – The Florida Panthers have defeated the Edmonton Oilers in the Stanley Cup Final, securing both Florida and Calgary their second consecutive Cup victory over Edmonton. “I’m happy my …
Tag: Florida
“Teams in states with no income tax have an unfair advantage” says adorable rube who thinks NHL players pay tax like normal people
Windsor, ON – Local NHL fan/non-accountant Mark Wilinsky has determined that the reason teams like Tampa, Florida and Vegas are consistently good is because they play in states with no stat…
Florida student arrested after accidentally using wrong gender articles in Spanish class
LAKE CITY, FL ― A 10th-grade student has been taken into custody after she asked a friend to borrow “una bolígrafo” despite having been clearly taught that pens are male and should only be refere…
Florida introduces ‘Don’t Say Science’ Bill
TALLAHASSEE, FL – Governor Ron DeSantis of Florida is now the highest ranking state politician to voice his endorsement of Bill 467 – the ‘Don’t Say Science’ bill. “I couldn’t be prouder of our l…
Touching: This Hollywood movie defies the stereotypes that Hollywood helped set
HOLLYWOOD, CA – Walt Disney Pictures has announced their latest project, The Bear Minimum, an animated coming-of-age movie that breaks the stereotypes they spent years reinforcing because i…
Biden just going to let Covid have Florida
JACKSONVILLE, FL – After months of Florida Governor Ron DeSantis’s ineffective pandemic response, President Biden today announced he is removing his hat in sorrow as he allows Covid-19 to h…
Latest US outbreak traced to Coronavirus eating contest
MIAMI – Amid spiking COVID-19 figures in the United States, experts have determined that the source of a recent outbreak was a Coronavirus eating contest from two weeks ago. “We suspect that Chuc…
“We need to open up the economy and get back to work,” says COVID-19
FLORIDA – Thousands of protestors took to the streets in the United States this past weekend to demand that social distancing rules end and people be allowed to return to work, including CO…
Office holiday party finally gives co-workers chance to spend more time together
Markham, ON – a local office’s annual holiday party has given employees exactly what they’ve always wanted: the chance to spend more time surrounded by their co-workers. “Oh man finally,” s…
Florida man growing increasingly suspicious of the perfectly normal day he’s having
Jacksonville, FL — Florida resident Dave Peterson has spent the majority of his afternoon desperately watching for potential threats after having a totally regular, non-headline-worthy day.…
