CALGARY – Calgarians are being asked to ration water while crucial pipeline repairs are conducted, reminding the city’s older residents of the great water rationing effort of three months ago. …
Tag: Featured Article
Man with high pitched warbling voice dies, becomes ghost with clear, deep voice
ST JOHN’S — The late Alan Hynes has surprised friends and relatives by reappearing in spectral form, able to communicate in a voice that’s suddenly low, resonant and intelligible. “I don’t know …
Disheveled Trudeau announces national strategy for lowering price of frozen dinners
OTTAWA – A rumpled Prime Minister Trudeau has unveiled a bill that will forcibly bring down the price of microwaveable lasagnas, frozen chicken strips, and Kraft Dinner, among other depressed bac…
Christmas tree still in house unsure if family Orthodox or just lazy
SASKATOON – A Christmas tree still on display in the Miller household’s living room is uncertain if the family that purchased it is planning to celebrate Orthodox Christmas, or if they’ve just be…
Jean Chrétien hired as Trudeau’s bodyguard
OTTAWA — In response to violent protesters swarming his personal appearences, Liberal leader Justin Trudeau has hired Jean Chrétien as his personal bodyguard. The 89-year-old has several decades …
Jealous O’Toole orders staffers to throw rocks at him
GATINEAU, QC – Conservative Leader Erin O’Toole has instructed his staff to throw rocks at him at his next election event. “Jimmy, this sympathy [Trudeau] is getting in the press is not fai…
Erin O’Toole breaks with platform by running for the Liberals
VANCOUVER – In another sudden platform shift, Conservative Party leader Erin O’Toole announced he will run under the Liberal Party banner. O’Toole made the announcement after re…
“This is so Kafkaesque,” says man with penis stuck in watermelon
AIRDRIE, AB – In a harrowing ordeal that serves as a trenchant insight into the alienation fundamental to the human condition, Charles Sharp’s wing wang is currently jammed in a 23 pound watermel…
Dead whale really ruining the experience of being carried across beach by God
NANAIMO, BC – According to local sources, the rotting carcass of a beached grey whale has complicated Becky Shelton’s profound spiritual crisis. “Don’t get me wrong, I love that God is here to c…
