ORILLIA, ON ― Kyle Gardner, the father of four young children whose only hope for becoming decent humans is the public education system, is demanding the right to bypass the public education syst…
Tag: children
Editorial: Kids today are overprotected! I died in a fire.
OLD TOWN OF YORK – Look, I’m not someone who rises from the grave easily. I’m just a normal taxpayer like anyone else. I keep my head down, visit the dying, scare cats, and I don’t get exci…
YouTube announces it has radicalised its ten millionth child
SAN BRUNO, CA — Celebrations erupted today at YouTube’s headquarters, marking the major milestone of the video sharing site successfully radicalising its ten millionth child. “We couldn’t be prou…
French language activists say government can give Tylenol with American packaging to children if they can read their temperature in French
QUEBEC CITY – With Canada experiencing an extreme shortage of children’s Tylenol owing to a lack of mandatory bilingual packaging, French language activists announced they would be willing …
“You should totally have kids!” says friend who should not have had kids
Windsor, ON – Jacob Framer, a man who should never in a million years be allowed to care for young children, has recently been heard encouraging various friends and family members to procre…
“Drag Queen story time is basically grooming” says guy with intricate knowledge of every Age of Consent law
EDMONTON – Local data analyst Rolly Crowne, who is well known for his exhaustive knowledge about the various age of consent laws in different states, provinces, and countries, recently note…
Toddler better at using iPad than local man is at doing anything
Regina, SK – Local man Michael Edugyan has realized that the 3 year old toddler seated near him at this restaurant is better at using her iPad than he is at doing everything in his life. &#…
Manitoba Premier confident this moment of silence for Ukraine could use a story about her kid’s karate class
WINNIPEG – After using a question about a woman’s death as an excuse to talk about her son’s hockey team earlier this week, Manitoba Premier Heather Stefanson thought it would be a good ide…
“Now let’s do a silly one,” says man dictating his will
REGINA – After dictating his will to his lawyer, sources report that Edward Irwin asked if they could also do a “fun one.” “For this one, let’s start by leaving half my money to my cat, Jean Catt…
“Not having kids is selfish” says man who lives alone in golden palace
VATICAN CITY – Pope Francis has described people’s decisions to have pets instead of children as “selfish”, during a recent general audience in the opulent cathedral-like palace of which he…