VANCOUVER – This week on Vancouver’s Downtown Eastside police began removing tents from the sidewalks, unless the individuals inside could show proof that the structure is actually a cannab…
Tag: cannabis
Cannabis tourist expected Toronto to be cooler
TORONTO – Visitors from the U.S. were dismayed this week to learn that despite Canada’s recent marijuana legalization, the city of Toronto is still extremely boring. Ohio native Jenna Blake…
100% of Canada’s Halloween candy suddenly eaten today
OTTAWA – For reasons as yet unknown, the nation has abruptly consumed every last piece of Halloween candy, almost two weeks before trick-or-treating is set to commence, succumbing to an acu…
Editorial: I hate cannabis but I love dangerous speculative investing. What am I to do?
I despise marijuana. While the rest of Canada has decided to succumb to reefer madness, I still hold true to what I was taught in my health lessons at school and numerous all-star cartoon special…
Citywide diffuser malfunctions blanket Vancouver in endless sandalwood fog
VANCOUVER – A cascading series of errors in Vancouver’s diffusors has resulted in a thick, seemingly permanent sandalwood fog settling over the city. “The whole city smells like that bath s…
Andrew Scheer to serve as stark reminder for young people that smoking pot does not make you cool
OTTAWA – Admitting on Monday that he used to smoke pot when he was in university, federal Conservative Party leader Andrew Scheer is now holding himself up as a disturbing example to young …
Autocorrect nightmare: Typo in Bill C-45 legalizes cannibalism instead of cannabis
OTTAWA – Canada is one step closer to the accidental legalization of cannibalism after the House of Commons passed a typo-ridden Bill C-45, formerly known as The Cannabis Act. “I think no o…
Insufferable beer snob to become insufferable weed snob
TORONTO – With the approaching legalization of cannabis, local beer snob Timothy Davis is excited to develop a condescending attitude about marijuana. “Much like Belgian beers, I think that…