OTTAWA – The Canadian Border Services Agency has announced that the Canada-U.S. border will remain closed until January 21st, “a date with no specific significance whatsoever.” “We would li…
Tag: Biden
Op-Ed: Dr. Jill, kiddo, a bit of advice here: drop the “Biden”
by Joe Weitzmann Madame First Lady — Dr. Jill— kiddo: a bit of advice on what may seem like a small but I think is a not unimportant matter. Drop the “Biden.” Take it from me, a white man old eno…
Trump announces rallies, lawsuits in bid to make self too pitiful to arrest
WASHINGTON D.C. – As news outlets confirm their earlier projections of a Biden electoral college win, President Donald Trump has announced further intentions to contest the results in a bid…
World offers to buy U.S. special present if it doesn’t re-elect deranged fascist
NEW YORK CITY – At a special meeting of the full United Nations, the countries of the world came together and resolved to buy America a “pretty cool gift” if it chooses not to r…
Trump hoping he just gets fired so he can at least collect unemployment
WASHINGTON, DC – Recent reports have confirmed that President Donald Trump is hoping to get fired so he can at least collect unemployment. “I don’t know how much longer here I’ve got. My boss is …
Trump writes off debate loss on taxes
CLEVELAND – US President Donald Trump has written off his debate loss to former Vice President Joe Biden on his taxes saving him $5 million in refunds. Despite a time-tested strategy of con…
Trump says Biden’s poll numbers wouldn’t be so high if they stopped testing voters
Washington D.C. – US president Trump has issued a statement saying that Democratic Party nominee Joe Biden is only polling ahead of him because they are asking voters for their opinion. “Th…
Breaking: U.S. President to be man for record 232nd straight year
WASHINGTON D.C. – With Elizabeth Warren dropping out of the Democratic Primaries the United States will break its own record for longest time governed exclusively by men. “Sure we considere…
Biden intends to die as he lived; thwarting universal healthcare
Wilmington, Delaware – At a campaign event former Vice President Joe Biden re-affirmed that despite his old age he would keep fighting for the one thing he believed in, that unlike all othe…
Folksy Joe Biden cheerfully greets supporter as two-bit secretary with no tits
CONCORD–During a campaign event for the upcoming New Hampshire Primary, former Vice President Joe Biden charmed a crowd by playfully addressing an attendee as a “two-bit secretary with no t…