MONTGOMERY, AL- After returning home from his last tour of Afghanistan, United States Armed Forces Staff Sergeant Daniel Leary has discovered that he lost his keys overseas, but fully plans to retrieve them when he inevitably goes back.
“I mean, I could pay to have new copies made, but I think I’ll just wait a few months until redeployment,” Leary said, still not bothering to change out of his combat fatigues. “I think I remember which partially destroyed hospital where I had them last.”
“If not, they have my base’s address on them, so I’m sure someone will return them,” Leary added.
The only obstacle to retrieving his house keys Leary anticipates would be if his unit is deployed to a quagmire that is too far from Afghanistan. “I know the smart money is that I’ll end up far enough in the Middle East that I’ll be able to pop over and grab them, but there is a chance I could get sent to China, North Korea, or France if it turns out they have oil. I might have to ask one of the interpreters I was training to grab them and get them when we planned to meet up for drinks.”
“I mean, if he’s still around to meet up for drinks like we planned,” the soldier corrected.
While Sgt. Leary remains pretty sure he won’t have any issues with getting his lost items, he is less than sure how he’ll handle the time in a not-quite-as-hostile country. “The next few months are going to be hell,” Leary said, with his watch still set on Afghanistan time. “I’ll have to not get treatment from the VHA, make futile attempts to find a job, and cancel my credit card because I think I left my wallet in Iraq.”
“At least all the guns here make me feel like I never left.”
At press time, Leary was waving to the recruitment officer who was waiting on his front lawn to reenlist him.