Homophobic doctor dies of prostate cancer
BARRIE, ON – Dr. Frank Lilles, 47, known for his outspoken refusal to take a prostate test, as he perceived the test to be homosexual in nature, died of prostate cancer yesterday. Many in t…
Dozens hospitalized in quest to fry world’s largest beaver tail
GATINEAU, QC – Dozens have been hospitalized in Gatineau county yesterday following a failed attempt to fry the world’s largest beaver tail. Town residents were looking to make the re…
Toronto considers building new casino to raise revenue
The Ontario Lottery and Gaming Corporation claims a casino built within the GTA will bring the city new jobs and billions of dollars, but some critics worry it will only bring social problems. Wh…
Nudity is awesome, declares team of all male scientists
TALLAHASSEE, FL – A groundbreaking new research study released by a team of all male scientists has revealed that nudity, long considered taboo and shameful, is actually “quite awesome.” Th…
12-year-old can’t figure out why parents hugging him more since trip to the doctor
REGINA, SK – Ever since his trip to the doctor two weeks ago, Josh Barnabey, 12, can’t figure out why his parents are hugging him a lot more than usual. “They keep patting my head and givin…
Fist-bump proclaimed top broclamation
EDMONTON, AB – After months of data collection, 3000 hours of simulation tests, and a research endowment of over $450,000, top anbropologists at the University of Alberta have proven that t…
Underemployed ESL teachers increasingly seek work underseas
PACIFIC OCEAN – A dwindling market for English language instruction overseas is forcing many unemployed English as a second language (ESL) teachers to seek work underseas, where new job opp…
