Ghost would like to move on now that scores are settled
WINNEPEG, MB – Initially intent on wreaking mild inconvenience on his enemies, the bored ghost of Mark Sammon, 34, realized earlier this week that his average life left him without enough h…
Study: 83% of human bodies ‘pretty gross’
GENEVA, SWITZERLAND – Researchers at the new Human Studies Institute of the world famous CERN Laboratory in Switzerland announced today the results of their study into the human body, revea…
‘Hunger Games’ themed sweet sixteen gets way out of hand
BRACEBRIDGE, ON – Police were dispatched to the Claire family’s Arbordale residence yesterday morning, after reports that Madison Claire’s Hunger Games-themed birthday party had…
No one shows up to Michael Ignatieff’s basketball party
OTTAWA – None of the 25 guests invited by Michael Ignatieff to his weekend basketball-birthday party either showed up or sent an RSVP, the former Liberal Party leader told reporters. “…
Man spends $3000 dollars on snakes in one day
HALIFAX – Local herpetophile James Carruthers spent upwards of $2900 on 2 juvenile Burmese pythons in the back room of Sammy’s pet store earlier this afternoon. “Snakes are the …
Harper government continues to face criticism for F-35 jet costs
Responding to continued criticisms over the high price tag of F-35 jets, the Conservative government has taken the project out of the Defence Department’s hands and given it to Public Works…
Leafs decide friendship more important than playoffs anyway
TORONTO – The Toronto Maple Leafs made a public statement today revealing that their friendship had, if anything, been strengthened by the team’s failure to make the playoffs for the …
After 10 years PEI finally returns Nova Scotia’s lawn mower
NOVA SCOTIA – The province of PEI finally returned a borrowed lawn mower from 10 years ago to its neighbours in Nova Scotia. “The lawn mower is making a funny noise now and they didn’t fill…
To be perfectly honest, I couldn’t give a shit what you have to say to me
By a Voice Recorder Listen. First off, I know we’ve been working together for quite some time. I appreciate your loyalty when you could easily buy a more modern and convenient iPod touch with a b…
