Young conservative man unable to contain sexual attraction to Justin Trudeau
OTTAWA – Although he is violently opposed to Justin Trudeau’s political party’s leanings, Jeffrey Soloman, a 23-year-old Conservative Party supporter, is unable to contain his sexual attrac…
Ralph Klein’s death makes Canadians think they liked Ralph Klein
CALGARY – In the wake of Friday’s passing of legendary Alberta premier Ralph Klein, Canadians from across the country have come together to mourn, celebrate a life, and praise a man they ar…
Crosby has head surgically removed in order to play out rest of playoffs
PITTSBURGH, PA – Following his recent concussion Penguins captain and NHL leading scorer Sidney Crosby underwent a new elective surgery this morning to separate his head from his body in an…
Pope Francis really hoping new job will finally get him laid
Vatican City – Less than a month since being elected as God’s chosen disciple on earth, Pope Francis said he welcomed the pressure and responsibility that comes with such an illustrio…
Toronto zoo welcomes arrival of two Chinese prisoners
TORONTO – The Metro Toronto Zoo announced Monday that they had received two Chinese inmates to carry out a 5 year sentence as part of an exchange program with the government of China. The c…
Mayor Ford unveils bold new double vision for Toronto
TORONTO – Hoping to build momentum and political capital in the new year, Mayor Rob Ford recently unveiled his new double vision plan for the city. “We’re gonna totally end this fucking gravy tra…
15-page paper apparently the only thing in local student’s life
TORONTO – Recent reports from concerned friends and family have confirmed that the entirety of UofT student Kelly Statler’s existence is evidently now being taken up by a 15-page paper on s…
