Pope resigns, refuses to give up hat
VATICAN CITY – In addition to his sudden resignation as leader of the Catholic Church, Pope Benedict XVI shocked the College of Cardinals by refusing to give up his ceremonial mitre. “I can no lo…
In response to Ontario, Alberta elects first openly bigoted premier
EDMONTON – The province of Alberta has responded to the news of Ontario’s recently elected openly gay premier two weeks ago by making history of their own with the election of Canada’s firs…
Brazeau assault first thing a Senator has done in years
OTTAWA – Senator Patrick Brazeau’s recent arrest for domestic assault has shocked the country and caused his ejection from the Conservative caucus. But it has caused perhaps the most outrage in t…
Jian Ghomeshi runs out of things to rhyme with ‘Q’
TORONTO – After almost 7 years on the air, Jian Ghomeshi, host of Q, Canada’s most popular arts and culture radio show on CBC Radio 1, ran out of words that sound like ‘Q’ on Monday, making…
Old black man doesn’t know as much about Jazz as hoped
STRATFORD, ON – Local graphic designer Stephen Sinclair entered Tully’s Coffee Shop on Thursday afternoon and was delighted to encounter Luther Griffin Jr., an 83 year old black man i…
York U plan to end violence against women on campus: stop admitting female students
TORONTO – In response to a rash of violent sexual assaults against women students at York University’s Keele Campus in 2012, the school’s President Mamdouh Shoukri claims the institution ha…
Man, who would have thought me playing Abraham Lincoln would have generated all this awards talk?
By Daniel Day-Lewis I have just been told that my performance as Abraham Lincoln, 16th president of the United States of America, has been and will continue to be receiving a number of awards fro…
King Richard III’s skeleton given as trophy to descendants of family who killed him
LEICESTER, ENGLAND – Family members of the descendants that brutally cut down King Richard III during the Battle of Bosworth Field were ecstatic to receive the 561-year-old monarch’s skeleton as …
Groundhog sees Jungian shadow, predicts everlasting winter of the soul
WIARTON, ON – Meteorologists were flabbergasted today when Wiarton Willie, the popular weather rodent, emerged from his burrow and was frightened by the sight of the dark, undesirable aspec…
