Harper denies knowing Duffy, Conservative caucus, his children
OTTAWA – After a series of embarrassing mishaps and scandals Prime Minister Stephen Harper is denying any role in knowing Senator Mike Duffy, most of the conservative caucus and members of his im…
Newly separated astronomer discovers planet said to be capable of sustaining wife
TORONTO – A shocking announcement made earlier this week by recently single astronomer Dr. Larry Gradenfeld claims the discovery of a new planet in the Eagle Nebula that could potentially s…
Quebec Soccer Federation bans turbans
The Quebec Soccer Federation will uphold a decision to ban turbans stating that if players want to wear turbans, they can play in their backyards. What’s your say? “This is a travesty. We s…
The Beaverton Live!
We’re happy to announce our live show! Only two weeks away! For media contact, view the show’s press release. Brown Paper Tickets Ticket Widget Loading… Click Here to vis…
New Raptors GM pledges to restore team to its former mediocrity
TORONTO – Newly appointed Raptors GM Masai Ujiri, at a press conference announcing his hiring over the weekend, made clear his intention to rebuild the team from its current horrible state …
Nation celebrates end of Rob Ford Awareness Month
TORONTO – Closing ceremonies were held at Toronto City Hall late into yesterday night to mark the end of Rob Ford Awareness Month. The month-long observance successfully brought to the worl…
Radical pro-lifer disappointed Morgentaler never returned any of his death threat calls
LETHBRIDGE – An ardent anti-abortionist is disappointed that the renowned pro-choice advocate Henry Morgentaler never returned any of his menacing phone messages. “It’s like he pretended I didn’t…
Economic Action Plan to build houses for senators where they claim to live
OTTAWA – In response to the recent Senate housing allowance scandal, the Harper government announced a new program that will construct residencies for senators pretending to live in the pro…
Fun and games continue after unpopular kid loses eye
St. John, NB – After a wayward pitch blinded 10-year old Saul Fieffel in his right eye, the students of Ms. Krougar’s grade 5 homeroom class decided to finish their softball game instead of…
Man with sweaty back mourns arrival of summer
GUELPH, ON – The onset of warm weather has left local man Jake Blume completely unable to go out in public without sweating through his clothes. “Great, now I get to spend four months of my…
