Nation wonders if guy who ‘loves winter’ also likes getting fucking choked to death
CANADA – After weeks of relentless cold, the nation wondered today whether local man Jake Bryans still thought Winter was “The best season”, and also whether he thought it would be fun if a…
York University Dean supports student’s religious right to Aztec human sacrifice
TORONTO – After permitting a student to be excused from course work on religious grounds so he would not have to publicly interact with female peers, the Dean of York University is also per…
Ryerson University: The Beaverton University Reviews
Name: Ryerson University Nickname: Dave Motto: “The best education you can get in a mall” History: In 1852 at the core of the present main campus, the historic St. James Square, Egerton Ryerson f…
Pot-smoking Mountie can’t stop laughing at uniform
FREDERICTON – A Mountie who uses medicinal marijuana couldn’t stop giggling at his red serge when he returned it yesterday pending an unrelated assault trial. “Dude, this is just like……
Freezing death of homeless man welcome news for global warming deniers
Timmins, ON — While temperatures across much of the country have plummeted, causing the death of a number of elderly and homeless individuals, including local man James Russell, cold weathe…
Poll: Canadians overwhelmingly in favour of Olympic hockey team overthrowing, leading government
Following today’s’ Team Canada 2014 Olympic hockey roster announcement, Canadians polled support the team of top athletes toppling the current Canadian government, and subsequently leading the co…
Canadian Junior Hockey team celebrates not winning shameful, shameful bronze
MALMO, SWEDEN – Canada’s Junior Hockey team celebrated long into the night after their stunning victory over having to endure the humiliation of appearing in a third place medal ceremony. P…
House Cats up to something
CALGARY – After observing the suspicious behaviour of his two pet cats, Milo and Muffy, local graphic designer Todd Perkins has concluded that they are definitely colluding against him for …
TED Talk solves third world hunger in first world
BRAMPTON – Attendees left last Saturday’s TEDxBrampton event inspired by John McGeorge’s innovative four-point synergistical plan to solve third world hunger in the first world. In a 12 min…
Montreal police apologize for threatening homeless man, promise to tie him up in better weather
MONTREAL – After recent criticism for their handling of an under dressed homeless person in Montreal by Police during subzero temperatures, the Montreal Police have confirmed that all public iti…
