The Beaverton

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“69” Laughed at

KINGSTON, ON – Yesterday, a student attending a Sociology lecture laughed out loud when the professor said the number “69.” Professor Deborah Marshal, 56, had been discussing material from …


Botched handshake embarrasses local man

HAMILTON, ON – Local resident Mark Sanford, 24, ruined his chances of making friends with two cool dudes yesterday when an introductory handshake went horribly wrong. Sanford’s friend…


Business man in talks of merger with woman

TORONTO – Private equity firm employee Praj Patel, 31, is in merger talks with airline stewardess Aneesha Sherawat, 27, a woman. If successful, the deal could lead to a 60% increase in coha…


Maschismo exhibited by eating hot sauce

EAST YORK, ON – Local student Jeff Saunders impressed friends at an East-End Mr. Sub by asking for hot sauce on his sandwich, sources reported yesterday. “He was like, ‘No man, throw some h…


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