Keystone boasts pipeline will create 5700 unpaid internships for Canadian students
CALGARY – Canadian energy giant TransCanada has announced that the Keystone XL pipeline will be built by interns in order to offer Canadian students the experiences they need to enter the excitin…
PROROGATION UPDATE: John Baird finds some rocks and trees to scream at
OTTAWA – (DAY FOUR) With the House of Commons empty until October 16th, Minister of Foreign Affairs John Baird has been forced to retreat into the wilderness in order to find things to yell…
Report: Everyone on subway has B.O.
TORONTO – Sources inside the 9:55 a.m. university line southbound subway have confirmed that everyone on the car does in fact, smell like shit. “Oh god,” said legal secretary Mary Cook, as …
Women and their sweatpants enthralled by Tide’s new Period Stain Guarantee detergent
TORONTO – Tide made waves in the detergent world yesterday when it announced its latest product, which promises to remove period stains from sweatpants, bed sheets, mattresses, and full-butt, nud…
Toronto Police Association: It’s a sad day when an officer can get charged just for beating the fuck out of somebody for no goddamn reason
TORONTO – representatives of the Toronto Police Association say that they are “shocked” and “saddened” that Constable Babak Andalib-Goortani has been found guilty in the brutal assault of G…
PROROGATION UPDATE: Bored Mulcair messes around with beard
OTTAWA – (DAY 3) MP and official leader of the opposition, Thomas Mulcair, spent all of yesterday “gettin’ crazy” with his facial hair confident he’d be able to grow…
Summer team building exercise ruined after Habs team too short for roller coasters
MONTREAL – A morale-building exercise for the Montreal Canadiens ended before it started when players were not permitted on most of the rides at a Montreal amusement p Michel Therrien, the …
Grand Theft Auto V launches
Grand Theft Auto V, the fifth installment in the popular video game series by Rockstar Game, launched today. The game is estimated to have cost $265 million to produce and is expected to bring in…
PROROGATION UPDATE: Harper to spend duration sitting naked in a freezer
OTTAWA – (DAY TWO) In preparation for a month away from the House of Commons, Canada’s Prime Minister has entered the industrial freezer he had installed in the basement of 24 Sussex drive …
