5 perfect holiday tips to make your Christmas ornaments come to life when you leave the room
By Mariah von Birdspell Host of HGTV’s “Transcendental DIY” Like a secret recipe for eggnog or a favourite carol, plenty of us have cherished family traditions for “Zeigvitus,” or the practice o…
PM Harper wishes Canadians a merry fourth-quarter purchasing cycle
OTTAWA – With the holiday season drawing near, Prime Minister Harper issued a statement today urging all Canadians to enjoy the time of year that brings us closer to our most beloved indust…
Parents convince their children that mall Santa’s “funny smell” is juniper berries
Brockville, ON – When Crestview Mall’s Santa Claus showed up to work belligerently drunk and stinking of gin last weekend, parents had to persuade their children that the smell emanating fr…
Shawn Thornton suspended for punching guy in face differently than he was supposed to
BOSTON – Boston Bruins enforcer Shawn Thornton was suspended for 15 games after a brutal attack in which he repeatedly struck Penguins defenceman Brooks Orpik in the face with his fist in a…
After 5 years, coroner report concludes that bullets likely killed unarmed teenager shot by Montreal police
MONTREAL – After half a decade of waiting, a Quebec coroner’s report has determined that an unarmed teenager shot by a Montreal police officer in August 2008 most likely died from bullets. …
Industry Minister James Moore, nation’s poor children only have his words to eat
VANCOUVER- After his remarks that his government didn’t have a responsibility to care for poor children drew strong rebukes from nearly all living humans, Industry Minister James Moore was left w…
Jewish coworker given menorah for Secret Santa
LONDON, ON – During the office’s yearly exchange of Secret Santa gifts, Daniel Cohen, a Jewish HR manager, received one small menorah from associate-VP of marketing, Karen Welsh. “Well isn…
In honour of former South African President, Obama renames Guantanamo Bay “Mandela Cove”
WASHINGTON – Upon his return from South Africa, President Obama announced his plan to honour Nelson Mandela by changing the name of the military prison Guantanamo Bay to “Mandela Cove”. “As I sai…
RCMP to find missing PMO emails by asking NSA
OTTAWA – To aid in its investigation of the Duffy-Wright expense scandal, the RCMP is seeking help from the NSA. “We have no working relationship with the PMO, or the Senate,” s…
Local white woman’s Chinese character tattoo reads ‘strength, cultural appropriation’
WELLAND, ON – A caucasian woman has impressed her friends and family with a new tattoo written in Chinese calligraphy that symbolizes her values of strength and appropriating a cultural sym…
