The Beaverton

Answering your questions about the Ostrich story your uncle won’t stop posting about

Conservative MP thinking of crossing floor wakes up with severed head of a John A. Macdonald statue in his bed

Mark Carney giving a speech in front of Canadian flags

Carney reduces Trudeau’s tree planting program from 2 billion trees to 2

Nation’s therapists know what they’re going to be talking about this week

Rogers execs on Sportsnet+ World Series crash: “You can’t expect a streaming service that only costs $30 a month to work every time”

Canada cool with one group of temporary foreign workers

Anti-maskers celebrate Daft Punk breakup

CALGARY – Anti-maskers celebrated today after the announcement that Daft Punk, pioneering electronic musicians known for monster hits like “Get Lucky” and their robot helmet aes…

New tracking bracelets vibrate every time Doug Ford has dumb idea

TORONTO – The Office of the Auditor General of Ontario has unveiled a new line of digital tracking devices that vibrate every time Doug Ford posits a very stupid idea. The Auditor General s…

New Zoom filter adds pants, will to live

SAN JOSE, CA – Videoconferencing giant Zoom has announced a line of visual filters for the hot new market of customers who show up to meetings wondering what’s even the point anymore. The n…

Cheryl Gallant claims statement that ‘Liberals are a Satanic pedophile ring that bathes in the blood of children’ was taken out of context

OTTAWA – Conservative MP Cheryl Gallant said today that her recent claim about Liberals being part of a global pedophilia ring that uses their blood as soap was a “simple misunderstan…