Maclean’s Curse strikes again
WINNIPEG – With Jason Kenney resigning, another victim has fallen to the might of the Maclean’s Resistance Cover curse. “I knew when Andrew and Brian went down that the rest of …
Manitoba Premier Brian Pallister announces he will embarrass province for another two years
WINNIPEG – Manitoba Premier Brian Pallister announced his action plan to humiliate the province for the next two years before he resigns in 2023. The premier made the announcement immediate…
Weather reports now just daily list of records broken in latest heatwave
OAKVILLE, ONTARIO ― Canadian meteorology channel The Weather Network announced today that it will soon be transitioning to a record-based method of reporting daily temperatures. Come September, t…
Quebec man who supported banning hijabs thinks vaccine passports are a violation of his personal freedom
MONTREAL – Local man Michelle Savard, who thinks Bill 21 did not go far enough to prevent Muslim women and other religious minorities from dressing how they choose, believes that the recent…
Health Canada announces fully vaccinated people allowed to cough into each other’s mouths again
OTTAWA – Announcing a new set of guidelines for Canadians before assembled press, representatives with Health Canada have confirmed that vaccinated residents are now permitted to cough directly i…
Canada changes national anthem to “O Fuck, Y’All, Here Comes Canada”
TOKYO – The Olympics’ closing ceremonies were interrupted by Canada’s confident new anthem, which announced itself with sirens and airhorns. After a hype man shouted “O fuck, y’all, here comes Ca…
Olympic dressage horses sent home in disgrace for ignoring sex ban
TOKYO – Scandal has rocked the Olympics as dressage horses Bella Rose and Dream Boy were caught violating the ban on sex between athletes. “COVID forced us to re-evaluate our normally permissive …
Andrea Horwath announces bold plan to never, ever, ever become premier
TORONTO – Ontario NDP leader Andrea Horwath announced that she would oppose mandatory COVID vaccinations for teachers, yet another plank in her expansive new plan to never become Ontario’s …
Vancouver offers Stanley Park coyotes one jogger a year as tribute
VANCOUVER – Acknowledging the failure of typical animal control measures to quell a spate of violent coyote attacks over the last few months in Stanley Park, the City of Vancouver has decid…
